How do I find God
Rajni Kachhela Follow
I learn by asking and answering good questions.
How do I find God?
Here is my answer to a similar question, about my journey to finding God. It took a long time and I tried many ways before I experienced God in a way that transformed my life.
I was born and raised in a Hindu family. I became a Christian at around the age of 25.
When I was in my teens I rebelled against traditional religion, considering it all superstitious. The folk aspect of Hinduism involves a lot of bowing to idols and priests, belief in myths about Gods who take forms similar to Greek mythology.
But at the same I thought if there were a God: “What is God like? If there is only one God why are there so many religions? Why are their teachings so different and contradictory? Surely God would be consistent?” These questions set my expectations for finding an answer that was coherent and made sense. But at this time I genuinely believed that the answer to life was progress in science and technology.
However, later I began to realise that materialism could not answer the most important questions about life. I found that the sciences, especially Biology, were reductionist because they defined life, including human beings, purely in physical terms We were not anything more than complex biochemical reactions and there was no purpose to anything. Even happiness and pleasure could be reduced to chemical reactions and any morals and values were meaningless from a materialist point of view. Quite depressing!
I began to read Hindu and Buddhist scriptures to see if they could enlighten me. But I found their basic premise to be untenable. They teach that the physical world is an illusion and we should detach ourselves from it because it is an endless cycle of change and it all comes to an end. We suffer because we desire this world and are attached to it. We need to detach ourselves through meditation and other exercises until we are perfectly separated and experience a state of mind called “Nirvana”. This way we would stop suffering and have peace within us. However, this was a circular argument and the question that crossed my mind was “The desire not to desire is a desire, so how can we possibly get to that state of mind? How can we stop having desires?” The lack of desire also meant that my individuality would be annihilated and be absorbed into the One. There was no way to test if this was real or not.
I also began to realise that human beings can be good but they were also capable of committing evil.
I thought most people who fought in wars and worked in concentration camps were “normal”, not evil monsters who enjoyed killing. If that was the case, could I kill? Could I have served as a soldier in a concentration camp? I realised that all people, including myself, had the potential to commit evil acts.
I came across writings of existentialists, and although I did not fully grasp their ideas, the conclusion they came to was that life is absurd. I also read Crime and Punishment and The Brothers Karamazov by Dostoevsky, and general books on Philosophy and Psychology.
It felt quite hopeless that I would ever find satisfactory answers to the questions that I had asked.
After university I met a work colleague who is a Christian and we had some very interesting discussions. I went to church, did not like it. However, when I read the gospels in the New Testament I was amazed by Jesus – the miracles, his wisdom, the way he explained the kingdom of God. I was challenged and moved by the Sermon on the Mount. I thought He was just extraordinary, that I had never read of anyone greater. Phenomenal. Some of Jesus' teaching in the sermon on the mount had a profound effect on me:
“You have heard that it was said, 'You shall love your neighbour and hate your enemy. But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven. For he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have?”
Matthew 5:43-46
“Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal.
For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”
Matthew 6:19-21
“Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? ….. your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.”
Matthew 6:24-34
“And when Jesus finished these sayings, the crowds were astonished at his teaching,
for he was teaching them as one who had authority, and not as their scribes.”
Mat 7:28-29
I had never heard teaching like this before and I wanted to live like this as much as possible.
I wanted to follow Jesus because of his wisdom, he always knew what to say and how to deal with difficult situations. Ultimately, it was at the cross that Jesus had the most profound effect on me. He was good, totally innocent, yet when they crucified him on the cross some of his last words were:
And Jesus said, "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do."
Luke 23:24
It was a revolutionary way of responding to evil. It was profoundly humbling and challenging at the same time. It made me realise though that I ought to try to follow him.
However, I was not prepared to follow him until I was sure about the truth of the story told in the gospels. I considered whether the gospels were true or not, because they contain extraordinary events, teachings and wisdom. I came to the conclusion that the accounts were true because the stories are told in a straightforward way and there was no attempt at embellishment. I also thought if I did not believe the gospels then there was nothing else I would be prepared to trust, because of the integrity and honesty of the accounts. I felt the conviction that if I believed the gospels were true then I needed to follow Jesus. It did not matter what my family and friends thought and how they would react. I was very aware that I did not have the ability to follow Jesus, that it would be impossible live up to his very high standard. I thought that I would just try my best.
A few days later I happened to be on my own in the staffroom at work. I felt Jesus' presence and the room seemed brighter than normal. I heard him say, “I forgive you everything and don't worry about anything.” I bowed my head and closed my eyes and prayed.
I had met God for the first time and knew Him personally. I felt joyful. Since knowing God intimately I have had a kind of peace I had never known before. Prior to meeting Jesus I had felt empty, purposeless and hopeless. Now I felt filled, I had hope and began to realise God had a purpose for my life. I continued reading the bible and Christian books to learn more about my faith. Through the Holy Spirit and the Bible I could hear God's voice, which was so important as I had questions about the way I should live my life as a follower of Jesus. One of the ways God spoke to me was when reading the bible some part of it would stand out and answer very specifically a question for which I needed an answer. I remember one time thinking that may be I had made a mistake because Christianity was a white person's religion and not for me. Soon after I read in my bible Jesus said:
“I tell you, many will come from east and west and recline at table with Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob in the kingdom of heaven..”
Matthew 8:11
This removed any concerns I had about whether Jesus was for particular races only.
A few months after my first encounter with Jesus I realised he had dealt with three powerful and controlling influences within me.
a) I no longer lived in fear of death. I had taken what I had learnt in my Biology classes to the logical conclusion and believed that I would become nothing if I died and that made me fearful of dying.
b) I no longer feared being on my own. I had feared isolation and always sought company to take away the anxiety.
c) I had also stopped reading astrological signs in the newspapers. Even though I did not see myself as superstitious I would read the signs to build up hope that something good would happen in my life.
I was completely unaware of these changes within me until the moment I recalled that these fears were not there any longer.
The reason I continue believing and following Jesus is that I continue to experience His peace, even through difficult time and I cannot explain it. It is beyond understanding. I feel satisfied that God is real and there is a purpose to life.
I also continue to believe because the Bible has the best explanation for so many questions that we ask:
- It has the highest view about people, that each and everyone of us is made in God’s image and, therefore, we are precious to Him. We have sinned and that image is marred but God sent Jesus to redeem and restore us.
- It is not reductionist and the whole of creation is good.
- God has built everything with purpose, and our lives are not meaningless but find their reason in God.
As you can see there is no formula to finding God. God is a person and He has made you a person. He wants to meet you personally. It is sin that separates you from God. The good news (gospel) is that Jesus has done for you what you could not do, atoned for your sin through His sacrificial death on the cross. Yet He lives, He was resurrected on the third day after His death. For you to receive forgiveness you need to repent of your sin and trust in Jesus.